Self Help Articles
Negative Anticipation
Author: Kathleen Savory
(Founder / Co-ordinator Chester-le-Street Self Help Group)
Negative anticipation is the chain of thoughts that
you give yourself before visiting any situation; whether it be going to
the supermarket, visiting a friend, being asked out for a meal, or
being invited to a family gathering, such as a wedding. The whole
thinking process before the event tends to be negative.
This kind of thinking serves no useful purpose, it tends to hinder more
than help.
For example, if you were invited to a wedding, your first reaction
would probably be "I cannot go", then possibly, "But if I don't go,
everyone will wonder why and the family will be angry". Then the
negative anticipation starts to snowball...
You might think to yourself, if I do go, "What if I panic in the
church? It will be a long service and I can't sit that long - What if I
can't breath? - What if I feel dizzy? - What if I faint?". How
about that for negative thinking... and I heven't even started yet!
Well, let's move on to the reception... "What if it's a buffet meal?
I'll never cope with all those people moving about - What if it's a
sit-down meal? Everyone will be looking at me. I'll be trapped! - What
if I panic? - What if I get a pain in my chest? I'm sure to have a
heart attack! - What if I faint? I will make a fool of myself..."
All of this negative thinking and you're still standing in your own
home with the freshly opened invitation in your hand! Besides feeling
terrible, you have just tried to predict the future using negative
anticipation.
So. What are you going to do? Are you going to give in? After all, it
is easier to say that you're not going rather than face the situation
you've just forecast... But before you say no, let's think about it in
a rational way. Let's challenge those negative thoughts.
So your first positive action is to give
up clairvoyancey and stop trying to predict what will happen - you're
only scaring yourself.
Remember that anxiety is normal at a wedding; the bride, groom,
bridesmaids and close family will all be anxious that everything goes
according to plan. And the majority of guests will be anxious about
meeting family and friends they may not have seen for a long time. Any
new or unfamiliar situation is an anxiety provoking situation, IF YOU
LET IT BE.
So your next positive thought is: ANXIETY
IS NORMAL IN THIS SITUATION. Concentrate on your breathing. Be aware of
your shoulders - are they up round your ears! If so, relax them, even
if it means doing this every few minutes. If it makes you feel more
secure, sit at the back of the church. You can always pop out - nobody
will notice. Usually when you give yourself the escape
clause option, it's rare that you'll make use of it (and
using it is not a sign of failure, either).
At the reception use the same coping skills, and try to get interested
in the conversation going on around you. Use anything that will take
your mind off yourself (distraction techniques).
Remember that you have felt light-headed, dizzy and panicky before, and
nothing happened then. Use self talk to reassure yourself that you're
OK and are going to continue being OK.
If you allow the negative thoughts to return and begin to dwell on your
"What if's", YOU ARE JUST FRIGHTENING YOURSELF.
Lastly, concentrate on the wonderful feeling you will get when you say
to yourself " I'VE DONE IT".
Can you see how negative anticipation can prevent you
from coping with any situation that presents itself.
Fear of what MIGHT happen can hinder recovery. Recognise what you are
thinking before any situation. Take these negative thoughts and challenge
them!
Remember, every
thought causes a physical reaction - Anticipation of a situation is
often worse than the actual situation itself.
